.:untitled 004:.

there you see me
strong and beautiful.
laugh at my joy, why don't you?
are you mocking or celebrating?
do you know the difference?
do I?

watch me step
up
                          and up
                                                    and up
                                                                          and away from the
                                                                          trivialities of your life.

                                                                           if only I could stay there,

                                          everything comes down once it
                           goes up.
                  and you will never know why it is I
cry
                  myself to sleep.

you can't know the hate
                                that rips through my gut and tears at my
                                throat until I am nauseous, my
                                stomach until I am doubled over, my
                                skin until I am shaking
                                so I can't think, only
scream
                                knowing that only hysterical laughter will leave these smiling lips.

I hide and cry and know that
                                                                    no one will tell.
                                                                    I am life itself.
                                                                    a ray of sunshine in a dreary world.
                                                    hope.
                            confusion.
              fear.
hate.

there you see me.
                                                                one who is
                                                                broken.
strong and beautiful.
laugh at my joy, why don't you?
are you mocking or celebrating?
do you know the difference?
I do.